Bubsy 3D, the game that managed to make the early days of 3D gaming feel like a trip through the ninth circle of hell. It’s a shining example of how not to make a video game, and every aspect of it seems like it was designed to make you question your life choices.
Let’s talk about those graphics, or lack thereof. Bubsy 3D managed to take the N64, a console capable of wondrous 3D worlds, and turn it into a blurry, pixelated nightmare. Characters and environments looked like they’d been run through a meat grinder and then reassembled by someone who’d never seen a 3D model in their life.
And the controls? They were about as responsive as a brick wall. Trying to maneuver Bubsy was like trying to teach a cat to do a tap dance – frustrating, futile, and ultimately pointless. You’d push a button, and Bubsy might decide to move, or he might just stare blankly into the abyss.
Gameplay? Well, let’s just say that boredom was the least of your worries. Levels were a monotonous, uninspired mess that made you question why you even bothered picking up the controller. Enemies? You could defeat them by merely glaring in their general direction. The only challenge in Bubsy 3D was trying to stay awake.
But wait, there’s more! Bubsy 3D had technical issues that made you want to throw your N64 out the window. Slowdown turned the game into a slideshow, graphical glitches turned Bubsy into a Picasso painting, and sound bugs made the already terrible audio even worse.
In the end, Bubsy 3D is a lesson in how to take a beloved character and franchise and utterly destroy them in one fell swoop. It’s a buggy, unfinished mess that should have never seen the light of day. If you ever come across this abomination, do yourself a favor and play literally anything else. Super Mario 64 or Banjo-Kazooie will make you remember why you love video games in the first place.
